Confidence

If only i can bring my confidence up, it is coming slowly but i still find myself a little too hesitant for my liking! Even just chatting to a patient and taking a history from them in the hospitals, what am i afraid of? Is it that i will make a fool of myself? Is it that i might upset them somehow? I always seem to have a feeling of uncertainty or that i am doing something wrong lingering in the back of my mind. I know confidence comes with time but there are days where i feel pathetic not even bringing myself to talk to a patient! I will work on it, if i go in pairs more then progress to interviewing someone by myself at least once every 2-3 days then that will be good too!

I gave the birthday card to the lovely girl in the ward with anorexia. Her mum was there so i didn't get to chat but just drop it off. I saw her again today and she thanked me for it and said she gave it to her mum to read and it made her mum cry! We had a little chat this morning, i hope she doesn't think it is strange i chat to her just as a friend but i hope i can see her more, i always end up visiting at odd times or when she is asleep in the afternoon unfortunately. Maybe i'll bring some cards and just sit and play them with her :) But even chatting to her i want to but i still get skeptical like with other people that i am doing something wrong, but i am not! I need to overcome this feeling i really want to.

I learnt today about the Indian flowering plant called Henna, it is used to dye the skin, hair, fingernails, leather and wool. The paste of the plant is applied to the skin for a few hours overnight to stain the skin like a temporary tattoo and it also acts as an anti-fungal :) The staining is due to the lawsone protein released from the henna leaf. It is said that henna has been used to adorn young women's bodies as part of social and holiday celebrations since the Bronze age in the eastern mediterranean. The earliest mention was in the context of marriage and fertility in the Ugaritic legend of Baal and Anath as the women would mark themselves in preparation to meet their husbands. The night of the henna is even now celebrated by Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Christians and Zoroastrians all celebrating marriages by adorning the bride and often the groom with henna. Henna was regarded as having blessings and was applied for luck as well as joy and beauty with complex patterns.