Wow. Most of us have heard about 'crazy people' and have a typical stereotype sketched into our minds of what these sort of people look like. But the really crazy thing is that it can be anyone of us if we were in the right (or more correctly unwanted) situation and environment. Starting my psychiatric rotation i find myself bewildered in Graylands Hospital in an atmosphere where it is normal for people to believe that if you walk around with no shoes you will stop the aliens from landing and taking over Earth or that the voice of god is controlling you and telling you to wander around the streets naked at night, almost every patient has an increased suicide risk and some even try to swallow knives or even toothbrushes and are at high risk to themselves and others. Even those who are experiencing manic or 'high' episodes who have this intense energy, don't sleep, don't stop talking, are constantly active and have such a flight of ideas that you can have no idea what they are talking about apart from the fact you can't take your eyes off their wonderfully bright and flamboyant clothing. Interviews need strong and muscular nurses to restrain patients should they become agitated and aggressive particularly when you question those voices or visions they have as though they are crazy - they truly believe what they see, hear, feel and even taste is real! Walking through the locked wards is intimidating especially being a small, young female with no duress alarm as yet. The hospital itself strangely enough reminds me of my old high school with double story red brick walls on open grounds with trees and greenery, however even those you were socially regarded as 'odd' in high school would be regarded as the most normal people alive at Graylands.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be that mentally ill. Most people have intense backgrounds of physical, verbal or sexual abuse, suicide exposure, illegal drug/substance abuse or financial and relationship situations which have literally driven them to their current conditions. The sad part is most of them once diagnosed in Graylands are diagnosed for life.
It has certainly been taking some getting use to especially since i have only been there for a week so far. I find it all so interesting, most people have the idea that these disorders are literally all in the head but in reality they have known biological causes and chemical/neurotransmitter abnormalities which the drugs help to balance out. But of course psychological education and cognitive and behavioral therapy is so important as well to help remodel thought patterns and electrical activity in the brain. Even after the first day when we were trapped in an interview room with a newly admitted lady screaming outside our door in the locked room or when the man hearing spirits got aggressive and ended our interview soon before punching a nurse on his way out, i felt calm enough to not be intimidated and feel relatively safe where i was. But these past few days i think being around these patients have been having a small effect on me! I have been feeling depressed these past few days, homesick and generally very tired. Maybe it is having a psychological effect on me where i need to learn to distance myself from the emotions of the patients and focus on the clinical diagnosis and management of them. But that is not being a true doctor as you can't truly understand the patients without understanding their true feelings and emotions, but that doesn't mean you have to take those emotions on. It is like what our consultant said, these patients have thorns buried inside of them, most people do but not as much as these patients. When they talk to us they release the thorns and give them to us to ease their load, we take them on, analyse them and then go about destroying them. How? By having a strong enough mind to disintegrate the thorns with positivity, happiness, enjoyment with family, friends, loved ones and realising we weren't made to carry these thorns or to get hurt and can even throw them out completely. If we can't we need to unload the thorns we have taken on to other people and soon they will be shared enough for each of us to rid of them together. That is why it is co important to communicate no matter what it is or who we are.
Maybe i have taken on too many thorns in this past week and have felt terrible because of it. Even a coffee with my friend i love to catch up with didn't help, but thankfully even just a few kind words from my boyfriend helped immensely. I don't want to take on more thorns than i can handle.
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