I spent the night by myself at home looking after the dogs, and it reminded me of being younger in my room when i use to be scared of the dark. So being home alone i did what i use to and turned a cupboard light on for comfort but i realised i didn't need it... i have grown up. I love simply being home and domesticated, doing my washing, lighting the fire, walking the dogs, watering the garden, being able to bake and cook and i realised a large part of what has been getting me down the past few weeks or even steadily building over the past few months... a want for more of a normal life. I am calling it my mid-university and mid-degree crisis. I want to move out of Trinity and look after my own unit/rental/house, i want to have the freedom to cook and clean when i want to, i wish i had more of a set routine like a stable job instead of juggling random clinics, tutorials, lectures and university commitments, i wish i could get this routine to have a better exercise and training program, i wish i was able to have more time with family and friends and not have to worry about whether i have read the latest tutorial information or finished my lecture notes, i wish that guilty feeling would go away and i wish i could have more of a normal relationship to see and spend more time with my boyfriend. Being in the same rotation and group is a blessing for 4 weeks but its so hard to build a relationship over uni studies!
The question is what can i do? I am growing up, i'm 22 and i am realising where i am is not matching where i feel i should be, it can be scary to think about but its even scarier to think how it has been affecting me. I am still dedicated to medicine, i just want to work better with it, the question is how...
Step 1 - Still my mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvzu3bKgt5Y
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